As It Washes From Day to Night and Back Again
by Alithea
Summary: Usagi/Setsuna they've only just begun, but will they break under the strain of such a secret? Shoujo-ai content.


**Title: As It Washes From The Day To The Night And Back Again  
Pg-13 shoujo-ai content.  
Pairing: Usagi/Setsuna  
****Characters are not mine I am just borrowing.  
****Note: Reposted after a long absence.**

Light crept into the room, playing softly against walls, small flashes brushing against her face. The heat was causing her to stir just a bit. A crystal hanging in the window captured small pieces of the rising sun, casting a multitude of rainbows to dance across her waking form. Bits of information becoming solid as her crimson eyes slowly opened, the time on the clock, the warmth of the new day, the faint scent of cedar and something distant, like roses only not as strong.

More aware with each passing moment she was gently reminded of another's presence in her bed, and the memory caused a slight smile to tug at her lips. An olive toned hand reached out to grace her guest with a soft touch and she almost immediately began play with silky strands of blonde hair.

She wondered if there was a word, or a sound that could describe how she felt. And though music was never a subject she excelled at, she was sure the only thing that could come close to revealing her emotions at that moment was the delicate play of a piano. Something maybe that sounded a slightly sad, with bits of joy weaving in and out.

A whispered chuckle left her lips at the bizarre thought, and the slight movement was enough to cause her guest to stir, cuddle up close. Creating in Setsuna Meiou's mind, what she thought must have been, a perfect picture, sweet alabaster contrasting to the lightest of ebonies, long evergreen locks loosely tangled with silky and golden blonde, and if it were up to her, she would have lived in that moment forever, because nothing was better.

The clock ticked and Setsuna's lover stirred even more, a light groan escaping pink lips. The Senshi of Time agreed with the irritation, the mornings were never long enough. Her eyes shut as gentle arms pulled from her, making it official. The moment was over, lost to the wind and the swirling fog of Time.

She sat up, eyes the color of wine watching the way her love started across the room, chaotically gathering clothing and trying to organize thoughts into coherent sentences. Setsuna gathered a few of the blankets to her bare form. She sighed as the young woman tearing around her room stopped, lost in thought, or confused by something.

"Lose something?" The Time Guardian's voice was smooth as velvet, sultry and low, a tickle up the spine.

The blonde looked over, broad smile sweeping over her face and bright blue eyes shimmering like the depths of the ocean.

"I seem to have misplaced my communicator. You know how Luna and the girls get if they can't find me." Her voice was a touch or two higher, and full of an unnamable charm, and warmth. Something ethereal and magical that made one smile upon hearing it. "Do you remember where we uh… Y'know?"

Setsuna chuckled, something out of normal character that she was rapidly becoming accustomed to. She took a deep breath and slid out of the bed, foregoing covering herself. With a light step she elegantly reached out to an antique dresser and picked the missing communicator up. Her lover took the object, slight blush inching over her face.

"Now I feel bad I have to leave so soon," the young woman said, inching closer to the tall beauty before her.

"Then stay." The request was polite, nearly as polite as the embrace she took her love into. "Stay, Usagi, just once."

The young woman lost her smile, pulling from the embrace slightly. "You know I can't."

"I do." Setsuna chided herself for her show of emotions, and then chided herself for that. "We can't continue like this forever."

"I know."

"And you know the fut-"

"Don't talk about it," Usagi whispered returning to the full pull of the embrace. Her lips meeting deeply tan skin briefly. "I have to go."

Setsuna let the blonde ease away from her, suddenly ripped from the present by a vision that nearly made her cry.

"You better go then," the Senshi of Time replied as she shakily returned from the intruding images of the near future.

"Setsuna, are you alright?"

"Fine." She looked as if someone had socked her in the gut.

Usagi wanted to stay behind. She had an excuse now. She lingered, a bit of concern and sadness etched onto her face. Setsuna kept her from getting close again.

"Don't worry about it, Usa. You had better go or you'll be late."

Setsuna watched her lover slowly shrink away, took in the concerned and lost look she received, and wished to the heavens that she was not Sailor Pluto. Wished for once she was just Setsuna, no powers, no duty, but she was always Sailor Pluto, always the Guardian of Time. There was no place she existed where that was not so.

Before Usagi slipped out the door she called out. "Usa!"

The young woman spun around hand still touching the doorknob.

"No matter what love, no matter what, you will always be loved."

* * *

As Usagi picked at the pink melted mess that was once her sundae, her mind drifted to the cryptic parting words of her lover, and that velvety voice liked to haunt her, but then it always had. Not so much from their very first meeting, but ever since Usagi met Pluto as the elegant and mysterious college student, Setsuna Meiou.

She sighed a little, the group of chattering girls around her too busy watching as Rei and Minako battled it out on some video game to notice. She couldn't keep things secret much longer. The charade was getting old rather quickly, and it wasn't fair to anyone keeping such a secret.

"But why is it secret," she muttered to herself, lifting a spoonful of melted ice cream to her mouth.

"Why is what secret?"

Usagi started and then laughed nervously as she turned to face Ami.

"Uh nothing." She was terrible at lying when she was caught off guard, in fact she was terrible at lying no matter the occasion. She always got caught. "Just- Um... You know talking to myself about the weather, boys… um…" She stumbled over her excuses and then sighed. "Look, it's just been one of those crazy kind of days, you know?"

"I suppose," Ami replied sheepishly. Concern present on her face. "You know if you are having problems-"

"I can talk to you guys anytime," Usagi cut in gently. "Yes." Her focus was drifting. "Yes, I know."

The blue haired genius next to her quirked an eyebrow and added soberly, "I know it's been difficult for you, what with Mamoru breaking up with you and going to America."

Usagi tried not to let a mocking laugh escape her lips, instead she lightly giggled. "Oh it hasn't been that hard, besides it was very mutual."

"Of course."

"When I have something to tell I'll tell," the blonde stated. "Until then, don't worry 'kay?"

Ami nodded and turned her attention back to the on going video game challenge. Usagi joined her forcing a smile where she felt none.

The day continued at an even pace in much the same way. No trials or tribulations to distract, and Usagi wished there were. Because when she was alone, or the rest of her friends were busy with something else, her mind would wander down avenues she didn't want to see. Questions popped in her head she didn't want to ask. All the unseen possibilities of what Setsuna could possibly have meant spun around in her brain. By the end of the day she was exhausted, and though she was tired, Usagi found her self in need of a long walk. So she left for a park she liked.

The green of the grass was covered with a thin layer of cherry blossoms, making it look almost like winter. The wear of the day finally catching up to her, she took a seat on a bench overlooking a small pond, the setting sun reflecting in darker shades on the water. She loved sunsets. She loved the colors streaking bold and lovely across the sky. Oranges washing to purples as the night devoured the day.

Her gaze dipped from the sky to the pond, birds happily swooping briefly into the water, ducks floating carelessly by, and when she wished it most she felt a gentle hand gracing her shoulder. She leaned back into the bench and shut her eyes, enjoying the moment.

"Why did I want to keep this secret?" Usagi whispered. "Remind me."

A smooth and sultry voiced whispered close to her in reply, "You were afraid they wouldn't understand."

She rolled her eyes. "My that sounds terribly stupid, doesn't it?"

"Not really." Setsuna offered wisely. "But if I told you it wouldn't matter to them, would you believe me?"

"Yes." A breathy response followed by a rather long sigh. She titled her head to look deep into sad merlot colored pools. "You don't seem convinced."

The older woman shrugged, and in one fluid motion took a seat next to her love. She briefly recalled how she never intended to take a lover. How long ago she made up her mind that love and companionship would sway her from the greater task of being the Guardian of Time. But, it was the very things she thought would make her weak that made her stronger.

Setsuna thought it was a shame that she could not always show it though. She guarded her heart, as she guarded the gates. Only a few were privileged enough to know her well and nothing made her happier than knowing Usagi was the only person to know her completely. With her left hand she gently wiped a few stray golden locks from Usagi's face, and wrapped her right arm around the young woman's waist, pulling her close.

"It is my duty to protect you as a senshi. It is my duty to also keep the time line free of abnormalities, and problems that could arise," Setsuna whispered. "But duty is nothing compared to what I feel for you." She kissed the top of Usagi's head gently. "No matter what, you are the only one who can make this lonely heart beat. The only one who saves me from solitude, my beautiful princess."

The Senshi of Time trailed off as she fell captive to the want of bright blue eyes. Her lips inching ever closer to fill a need both felt. Love was a dangerous thing for them. It burned in deep, echoed of pasts that never existed and futures that were clearly unknown. And worse, far worse was a feeling of all consuming dread that something would tear them apart. Be it monsters, demons, or people, it was the threat of loss that made them fear most of all.

Usagi and Setsuna found themselves lost in a kiss, lasting and deep like the halls of time, the span of space, the endless drops of rain that filled the oceans.

* * *

It was hard to say when the world crashed down around them. Hard to describe the feeling of shock and terror as the black cat leapt from the bushes and went off on a long and loud tirade. The speech spanned every inappropriate comment imaginable for something as absurd as getting caught in a kiss, and it vexed the Guardian of Time to no end as she sat and watched, because what else was there to do. Even Usagi, her poor little princess, was speechless. Sapphire blue eyes ushering tears and before Setsuna could stop her, and before the cat came to her senses, the Moon Princess sprinted away as fast as she could.

Crimson eyes grew dark, a shade of blood red the cat had never seen before.

"Setsuna, how could you?"

"Do not ask stupid questions." Was the chilled answer. "What do you think you were doing yelling at her like that?"

"My job!"

"It is not your job to interfere with destiny."

Setsuna stood tall, and perhaps it was the color of her eyes, or the way her voice slipped from its normal calm into something so dark it was hard to see, but Luna was actually afraid. Still, the black cat stood her ground.

"You're one to talk of destiny." Luna's tone was cutting. "We've seen the future. This will only put things in jeopardy."

The ease, the icy outer exterior Setsuna wore was becoming more and more intimidating.

"You know nothing of future, only pieces, and you build a future to your liking based not on fact, but on the dream of something that was never meant to be."

"You and I both know Mamoru and Usagi are to be king and queen of Crystal Tokyo," the cat stated imperiously. "And Chibiusa is their daughter, you can't deny that. She's here!"

The Guardian of Time grinned a bit, her darkened demeanor never washing. It remained stoic and still, icy to the touch.

"I was not talking of who was to be king or queen. You are right Mamoru Chiba will become King Endymion. Usagi will be Neo Queen Serenity." Something like regret or sadness echoed in her tone as she finished, "Chibiusa is their daughter."

The cat stood wide eyed, fur bristled and ready for any sudden violent action that might be taken against her. She found courage and said, "What you are doing truly borders on treason and you know it!"

She chuckled softly. "They said the same of Lancelot, but we are not under the monarchy presently."

"In the past you would hav-"

"Do not speak to me of the past, cat." Setsuna sneered. "You interfered once I won't let you do it again."

Luna's mouth hung open as she watched a single tear work its way down the woman's face.

"Do not look so shocked," Setsuna remarked. "The past is dead, there is no changing it. Nothing for the future is set though, and I am the only one who will ever really know how it all turns out. If you want to be a good advisor you will accept whatever loving relationship Usagi enters into, and you will trust that if it is a senshi she loves… You will trust that senshi will not shirk on her duties because of it. Now," her tone slipped into commanding, "I have to go find my love and mend the damage you've done."

Setsuna gracefully exited leaving the black cat to marinate in her guilt, and stew over the mistake she had made.

* * *

"Don't cry if crying means you're sorry."

The black cat looked up from her thoughts, tears in her eyes, and watched Usagi slip out of the shadows.

"I thought you ran off?"

"I did," the blonde stated, heavy steps taking her to the bench she had leapt from only moments ago. "I got just so far and ran back."

"Oh." Luna's head was downcast.

Usagi pulled no punches. Skirted no emotions as she whispered, "You hurt me."

"I-"

"Even if you're sorry, Luna. Even if you just flipped out because it was such a shock, it doesn't lessen anything. Besides, I came back just in time to hear the tail end of your conversation with Setsuna." The blonde sniffed wishing she could disappear into the night sky for a bit.

"I-"

"And treason?" Usagi cut in again, softly, but still something harsh in her tone. "You have no right to make such a claim. Well, you've been trying to defend yourself so, go on. Tell me why you dare and don't use the past or the future as an excuse?"

There was a long stem of silence. The cat was speechless and Usagi knew it could only mean one thing.

"So? Was it only the inconsequential then, Luna? Only the fear that if I was in love with someone other than Mamoru the whole world would suffer the consequences? And then if it's the past, I'm afraid to even ask what happened back then." She sighed, arms crossed over her chest impatient for an answer.

Luna stepped a bit closer and tried to gather her excuses, but she knew deep down she had crossed the line.

"I really don't approve of any of the senshi entering into relationships with each other Usagi, and mostly for safety's sake. You know it can cloud judgement on the battlefield. As for the past…No, I don't think you would want to know."

"If that's your best you'll have a long while before I can really forgive you for this," Usagi said as she stood from the bench and began to walk away. She stopped briefly to add, "The world is safe for now, Luna. Until it is in danger again you would do best to mind your own business."

* * *

The four had been just laughing it up all night at Rei's reliving old times. Eating too much of Makoto's delicious food and drinking a few special bottles of plum sake that Minako had brought over. With the help of the alcohol each confessed things they had never known about each other.

"Really?" Minako nearly shrieked. "You and Mr. I-know-no-fear huh?"

Rei blushed and amended, "Look, we only dated for a week, it was no big deal."

The bubbly Senshi of love snickered and then burst into uproarious laughter. "That's too much." The blonde finally eased into a sigh catching her breath.

"You aren't one to talk really," Ami stated from across the room, her head resting on Makoto's shoulder. "If I recall correctly you went with the guy who had that unnatural fetish for Sailor Venus."

Minako scowled and then whispered,"Well, at least I never had a crush on an enemy."

"I heard that and again, I wouldn't talk." Ami giggled, mostly because Makoto was lightly tickling her neck.

The light mood was halted by a knock on the door. The four girls sobering as Rei, followed by the mysterious Guardian of Time, walked back into the room. They always feared random visits from Setsuna, and the dark mood that hung about the elegant Senshi of Time made them even more worried.

The tall woman smiled sadly as she looked over the girls, heart breaking with the knowledge that the couples in the room would know only happiness in their new found loves. It hurt so much to know the future, to know that her own happiness came at a strict price, and with many problems. She swallowed the melancholy scratching at her throat and spoke.

"Have you seen Usagi around?"

All four shook their heads at once, which made the Guardian of Time feel just a bit worse.

"Is there something we should know about," Makoto asked her hand locked with Ami's giving reassuring squeezes.

Crimson eyes softened a bit, ready to give an explanation and yet reveal nothing of the relationship she had with Usagi.

"She's a bit upset," Setsuna relayed. "I'm hoping she'll come to you." That little lie was like to kill her. "If she comes over, please let her know I'm looking for her."

She was never more ashamed of the masks she wore in all her long never ending life.

"What happened exactly," Rei asked, fire in her eyes growing at the thought of someone or something upsetting or hurting her friend.

"If you want to know you will have to ask, Luna" She spun around and watched the cat slink into the room. Luna had easy access to all the girls' houses more or less. The girls left an open window for her and Artermis just in case.

"Have you seen her," the stoic woman asked the cat sternly.

The sleek black cat bowed her head regretfully and then nodded. "She went to find you I think. I-"

"I don't really care right now." Time's Guardian cut in sharply. "When you explain things to them," she warned, "you'd better do so tactfully." She redirected her attention to the girls in the room, manner and tone becoming slightly more pleasant. "Forgive me for not explaining my self, but I-"

"You'd better hurry then. Explain later, we'll have a chat with Luna in the meantime," Ami said softly.

* * *

A cold deserted shore spread out before her. She was torn between searching for Sestuna and working out her feelings. She was afraid, and of too much it seemed. The cool sand chilled her as she watching the dark and distant waves roll onto shore. Bright eyes fixed on the low and sinking yellow moon.

She needed a guide, wanted direction, but there was none to be had, just the pulse of the water, and pull of the ocean breeze tugging at her long golden locks. At that moment she would have killed for just a bit of magical past life wisdom.

She chuckled at the thought.

"Past, present, future, no matter the time I fear it always ends badly," Usagi whispered to the starlit sky. "Dear gods, is this the part where I'm supposed to regret being who I am for the millionth time, and beg and plead to be normal. Oh. but there is no normal," she considered. "There is no such thing, different is the way of it."

She shut her eyes, smiling at her soliloquy. She focused on the empty space of the ocean, lightless and vast.

"If I learn the truth of it all, will it make anything better? Will everything be right if I know for certain what the future is? If I remember all the past, will the present be bearable?"

"No," a velvet voice broke in. "No, it just makes things worse. But, you're thinking as if Time were so easily defined and controlled. As if it where solid. It's more like the ocean than you'll ever know, things no one would ever imagine rising to the surface at the most inopportune moments. It's never still and never will be unless I freeze it and parish by doing so."

The blonde turned to face her wise lover with a curt smile. "Didn't you already do that though, freeze time? I think you've done it more than once too."

An elegant smile slipped across the older woman's olive toned face. "Yes well, sometimes the rules have to be broken for the sanctity of the universe, or at least bent a bit."

"Funny that."

"Indeed," Setsuna cooed. She took a seat on the cool sand and looked out across the water. "But, you know, I'm not the only one who breaks the rules, a certain someone always sees fit to bring me back to life despite my sins."

Usagi huffed playfully. "I'm sure she only does it because you'd be too hard to replace."

"Oh that must be it," the Guardian of Time agreed, flecks of sarcasm inching into her tone and then retreating as she continued. "Are you alright?"

"No." The honesty stung both with unexpected harshness. "How do we keep things from devouring us? I mean, as much as you love me, there's always this look you have, like everything for us will come to a crashing halt. Like both of us end up with broken hearts and souls in the end."

It sobered the Senshi of Time to no end hearing those comments, and her love was right. But she could not fight the dread she felt at times. Lonely eyes locked on blue, a soft and cool tone pleading to sound convincingly happy.

"I don't always-" She stopped herself, let a mask or two slip, remembering there was nothing she had to keep from Usagi. "Part of me is always lost in Time, love. Abandoned and lonely left to Guard the Gates. It is hard to shake the visions, the things I've seen. The things that are coming that I can not share with anyone, not even you."

"I could order you to tell me what you saw that makes you think you or even I gets hurt by this."

"You could," Setsuna whispered. "Are you?"

Usagi sighed. "No. No I'm not, but it leaves us with very little to hope for, and I don't want to spend my time with you fearing the day when it all goes wrong, when everything breaks and we both end up in tears. I don't need that and neither do you."

"We don't break up," Setsuna muttered as she set her gaze to sky. Light breaking distantly, cutting the black, into strips of deep violet, dark blues, washes of a distant red-orange.

"What?"

"We don't." Setsuna offered sadly.

"But-"

"Only, your political marriage will cause waves, and no matter the time it always stings." She choked down her tears. "Always."

"I-"

"Don't make that promise, Usa," Setsuna interrupted. "When the time comes you'll have to break it and that'll hurt more." She sighed. She had broken the rules again.

"Doesn't telling me give a chance that things will change?"

"Maybe, does it matter? I can't keeping breaking the rules for you."

"Then don't."

"What?"

"Listen to me, don't break the rules. Don't tell me."

"It's a bit late for that, don't you think?"

"No." The blonde inched closer. "No, it's never too late. Create a new rule." Usagi offered. "You can ask the gates, order Time not to let you know certain things."

The Guardian of Time thought over the suggestion. "I think, sometimes, you are far too wise, or far too naïve, much like your mother."

The blonde blushed, which was increasingly more visible as the sun began to sneak upon them.

Setsuna still looked grave though. "And what about Luna? I'm just curious as to how you would like to handle that, and the girls-"

A pale finger quieted plush lips. "Do you love me?"

"Yes."

"Then let it alone," Usagi whispered. "Let it alone, and we'll take it on as it comes along. No more secret romance. Let the world shout what it may. I'm tired of caring." She kissed the older woman's cheek quickly. "You see the sun rising, and light building, it's a new day. Morning." She graced the slender neck of her love with a soft peck. "And I want to spend it with you, and the evening too, and the next day and the next, until we're both old and gray dear."

With that last word she took the older woman's lips with her own. Playful and kind pulling for something more, but denied as her love pulled away for a moment.

"What's wrong," Usagi asked, a bit out of breath.

"The girls," Setsuna muttered. "They'll worry."

"They'll get the hint when we show up later," Usagi whispered an impish smile set on her face.

"How will the-"

The Guardian of Time was silenced again. Lost to the thrill of her heart as the future and the past all became a hazy and brief blur. She was still afraid of what was to come, but it was nothing that could not be easily quelled. She let herself go, wrapped in a place that belonged just to her and Usagi. Where no one knew their names and no one cared. Only the increasing warmth of the sun, the feel of a kiss, the whisper of passion, and the roll of the waves was left to remind of the waking world.

End…


End file.
